Running

My husband says I work like a runner runs. At first, I don't want to get moving, my body feels sluggish, it's resistant. I get mad that so much of my time gets taken up with work, I want to throw in the towel and just say give up. But that's just until I hit my stride ... This week I hit it. And baby, you better watch out cause I'm on fire! At some point I will get tired. My whole body and feet will hurt and I'll be dying just to get it done. But by then I'll be nearly through. I'm on the run! Watch out!

In Times of Need

This was my second week to spend my Sunday morning at SOUL Church. This is an open air church organized every Sunday morning by a variety of volunteers, many of whom have been attending and serving each Sunday morning for many years. My friends, Terri and Kathy, have been gathering, organizing, and bringing clothing donations down to the homeless of Dallas for five years. Since I've known them, I've been promising to join them. But 5:45 on Sunday morning comes early. For all this time, I thought I couldn't fit in another thing.

I realized something today, though, as I sat there wondering why I felt so blessed to be down there. It goes back to a thought I had earlier in the week, about my own relationship with him. That relationship has recently been renewed as my need for Him has grown much stronger. I started a very busy semester in late August, and before that I was in a strange place. I knew He was there,but my  passion for Him had grown cold. I didn't feel close to Him anymore. I was comfortable in my life, and I didn't feel I really needed Him. I didn't want to feel that way. I missed my relationship with Him, but I didn't know how to need Him. Without really consulting Him, I had decided last semester that this one would be my time to go ahead and finish my Master's. I'd been dreading it, reluctant to put in the hours necessary, I wanted to continue in my comfort. But in some ways, I realize now, I didn't want to.

Since the semester began, I have increasingly turned toward Him. His teaching has again filled my life, and His music has captured my heart. I absolutely know that I cannot do this on my own. The hours I must put in, the dedication I must have ... It's not within me to do it in my own. And it's something that He has been calling me to do for many years now. My advisor gave me a card. It says "Keep calm, God has a plan."

I ended up at SOUL because getting my degree requires me to do 25 hours of service work. The first time I went I was disappointed in myself that I hadn't gone before. 

But why do I feel so good here? I was asking myself. Here I am among the poor and the broken and I'm happy as a clam. Yes, I have a servant's heart, but still ... I just feel so blessed to be here. And then it hit me this morning. That the spirit of Christ dwells among the needy and the broken. That the spirit of Christ lives and breathes where people cry out for Him, and where His people go to answer the call. 

He calls us to be out of our comfort zone for Him. He calls us to live on the edge of ourselves, where our need for Him is great and where the opportunities to serve Him are many. This is where He dwells and where we meet Him. 

Lord, let me live on that edge, to continually follow you in service and in worship, to reach out to those who need you, and to find opportunities to confess your Holy, Sweet, and Loving Name.

My God, My God!

Easter ... it hasn't hit me that hard this year. I've been in the Word, but mostly I've had this sense of walking with Him in a happy and comfortable sort of way. I am not expecting Him to work any miracles, my needs have been minimal, and I've had this sense of Him needing no more from me ... no more than my love, the attention I can give to His word, my continuing faith that He is working things out.

And then, came worship today. I always love corporate worship, especially with a good band, and our church has a great band. His love wells up inside of me, as I feel His pleasure at our voices praising His name. No matter what mood I am in, He meets me in that place where I praise Him, and reminds me who I am and more importantly, who He is.

And then comes the sermon. And that can be hit or miss for me. Especially on a holiday when it's geared toward the unchurched. And I wasn't expecting anything special today. And, to be honest, it wasn't the sermon so much today, but more what wasn't in the sermon. I mean no offense to my pastor here ... who knows how what you preach hits the hearts and minds of your congregation. But, here's how it hit me today when he started preaching out of Matthew 27:33.

This is the Matthew version of why we celebrate the resurrection. Up on the screen before me are a modern translation of the Messiah's words before breathing his last human breath:

46 “Eli, Eli,lemasabachthani?”(which means “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”).

47When some of those standing there heard this, they said, “He’s calling Elijah.” 

So, this is not at all the point, I get that, but we kind of glaze over this and no one explains why the people standing around think he's calling his God "Eli," and why the others think he's calling "Elijah." We need to stop right here, I think. Last Sunday, we had a Messianic Jew come visit our Sunday school class in which we have been studying the Feasts of the Old Testament. Our visitor talked about the importance of the language used to study the Bible, and being a linguist myself, I related very much to that. Though I have not studied Hebrew or Greek in depth, I do know Arabic, and the Aramaic in the Bible often holds deeper meaning for me because I understand it through the lens of Arabic. I really want to study Hebrew and Greek, so I suppose a seminary around here will be getting some of my VA GI Bill dollars once God opens up that door for me at some point. 

Anyway, the sermon stopped right here for me. "El-y, El-y!" Yahweh called as he slipped into the last moments of His life on Earth .... El was the Jewish name for God, which was an acceptable term to say because God's real name was actually too sacred to be uttered. The -y is the way one shows personal ownership in Arabic and I am assuming that is the same in the language He is using here, because in the ISR98 version of the Bible, which is a more literal translation of the Bible containing the original transcripts for many names and references, it says that the people surrounding him called for "Eliyahu," El-ay-a-hu, the "ahu" being the way you show masculine ownership of the third person in Arabic, and so assuming also in this language, which I am assuming is Aramaic or even Hebrew, since there are similarities in that language as well, due to the regional interdependence, as does English and Latin and Germanic based languages have many cognates. 

Anyway, ok, enough of my ranting on and on about why the lesson stops here for me, and now the what part ... I mean, really, you're probably asking, what is the lesson? Well, I was wondering the same thing ... why am I getting so hung up on this verse? The pastor is way past verse 46 and talking about how the veil was torn, speculating about who were the dead bodies that were resurrected at that time ... good questions, I suppose, but I'm still hung up on those words ... "El-y, El-y!!" the Messiah's calling out to His God ... why have you forsaken me?! It's sometimes hard to believe that He made it this far ... accepted his fate, insisted to his disciples that it must come to pass, made Himself available for the arrest, suffered the torture and the carrying, and the hanging, and the insults quietly, and then in the last words of his human voice asks our God, "Why have you forsaken me?" So human. So tortured. So heartbreaking. And also somewhat misleading. Because within a couple of days all that He promised would come to pass. The taunting observers would be astonished to find that He had, in fact, escaped his tomb, appeared to many, proved the truth of His teaching, and overcome the grave. 

It's not new for me to feel the depth of this lesson, but today I think I experienced it in a new way. What I saw today was that cross that He bore, but also the way that He overcame. As we sung these words," Our deliverer, You are Savior, in Your presence, we find our strength, over everything, our redemption, Oh Emmanuel, You are God with us" ... I felt this smugness, I was indeed proud of the way that He had so strongly proved the power of His God to the scoffers and even to His disciples and believers. It reminded me that we, in Christian life, don't always look like we have it going on. I know my life is less than perfect, and an outside observer, might look on this crazy mess called my life and think, She calls herself "chosen, free, forgiven, child of the King?!" (one of my favorite songs by Francesca Badistelli) ... 

Still getting to the point ... yes, getting there ... so here's what hit me so hard this morning, and I needed this reminder ... The closer we walk the walk He walked, the more we know Him, and I really don't want much more out of this life than to know Him ... and the walk he walked was not something most of us want. He brought a message that would change the world. He lived a short time on this life preparing and then sharing this message with an unbelieving society full of idol worshippers on one side, and legalists on the other. Trying to make either side believe that His life and death would change the need for all of that was ... like ... is there a word for it? It wasn't easy. He had His Father on his side, and, that made all the the difference, but it was still exceedingly difficult for Him, and it was also life-threatening and life-extinguishing for the disciples that carried on His name. He bore the weight of the cross and when the onlookers mocked Him, and told Him to call on his Father for help, there was nothing that could change the cruel destiny that He faced. 

And now I'm there. We are like Him. We are all like Him. How? We all have our cross to bear. Sometimes we bear that cross in an effort to follow Him, sometimes we carry the completely wrong cross and it doesn't lead us to Calvary. Onlookers might scoff at us, wondering why we choose this road, why do we need to walk this walk, to fill our lives with the demands of Christian life ... why do we make time for practicing our faith ... serving and attending at church on Sundays when we could be sleeping in? Meeting with other believers in small groups throughout the week when we could be relaxing or entertaining ourselves? Why do we make our best effort to avoid the traps of sin, things our culture simply considers normal "vice" or "indulgence." Why do we give our money to the church, go on mission trips, help at local missions, sacrifice our precious time? 

And after all that, why does it seem like sometimes in our life, there is not much of a resurrection? That Easter Sunday didn't happen or that we are still hanging out below the cross waiting for Him throughout an eternal Saturday? Why do we wait?

And, so that's what hit me today ...

         We wait ....

               Because though it might take three days ....

                      Or sometimes three weeks ...

                            Or even three years ....

He does show up. 

And when He does

     It's not like anything else that we experience on this Earth. It's His promise that comes in full bloom like the buds of a beautiful spring. He may let us bear that cross for a time. He may let us put it down and rest ... It may even feel that He has forsaken us. That's when our strength is built as we live our faith even though we may not be able to see what we're living for. We know that we're living in His presence because the Word tells us that he WON'T ever leave us or forsake us (even though even Yahweh had his human doubts). Yes, when it smells as if there in only death all around, the resurrection happens.It happens ... and He comes near ... he stands in front of us, saying, "Don't you recognize me?" His message is that I've come here to free you, I've come to give you peace, I've come to heal you, and to carry your burdens, and I've come to restore what you have lost. I died to redeem you, and I'm here to give you a new life. I, personally, needed that new life, and I know that I will need a resurrection in the future. I will need Him, because life on this Earth promises pain and heartache and despair ... and I'm so glad I know the One who can overcome that. 

 Do you need a resurrection? As sure as He lived and died, it's coming, it's near, it's here. It's a good day to remember it. It may not be the day you're feeling it, but hold on, friend, hold on. Christ is near. Hold on and listen to this:

God with Us by All Sons & Daughters